Garfield Is Supposed to Not Be Funny
Garfield: Maybe lightning will strike me and end this humiliation.
- Jon wakes up one morning to discover that Garfield has been watching TV all night and basically become comatose from the lack of sleep.
Jon: I feel like such an unworthy parent!
- Oh, and what was he watching all night? A 14-hour documentary about coathangers.
TV: And that concludes our 14-hour documentary, "Your Friend the Coat Hanger". Tune in next week for our 16-hour investigative report: "Cotton Swabs: A Blessing or a Curse?"
- Garfield spends the whole episode trying to get rid of Binky the Clown, who thinks its the house of an elderly client he's supposed to sing a birthday song for, and he just does NOT get the hint. Garfield eventually resorts to dressing up as the old lady just to get rid of him. When he finally lies down to sleep, Jon and Odie arrive back home and reveals that they hired Binky to sing for GARFIELD'S birthday! Driven to near-insanity, Garfield flees the house, running for miles through the city, fields and mountains, until he finally reaches a desolate mountaintop, with no one around. Or so he thinks...
Binky: I thought you'd never get here! Ohhhhhh HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WHOOP-DE-DOO, WHOOP-DE-DO!
- The ending is especially hilarious. Garfield and Jon laze around in hammocks sipping lemonade while Binky is stuck cleaning up the suds that spewed out of the dishwasher when he remodeled Jon's house.
Boss: And what exactly does your show teach people? (Gets hit with a pie) I mean besides that.
- BUDEAH BEARS? (The way Binky pronounced Buddy Bears)
- Later on Binky tries to find work elsewhere. He tried hosting wrestling matches but he was so loud that wrestlers couldn't study their scripts and tied him up. Then he tries working at a library which works out as well as you'd think for Binky.
Garfield: (After Binky is tossed out of the library) That job lasted a good eight minutes.
- "HEEEEEYY NEWS FANS!"
Jon: Garfield, what in the world do you think you're doing!?
Garfield: Why, being your bungee buddy you silly neener head!~ neener neener! *SMOOCH!*
Jon (after seeing Garfield leave a puddle by his bed, not knowing it was just Odie's drool): "Garfield! Bad!"
- Also this exchange in the same episode
Garfield: "Now you've turned me into a liar, do you know what happens to liars"?
Devil Garfield: "Yeah, they get jobs doing the weather."
Chick: You devoured an entire picnic. You've got to be proud.
Garfield: I am, Chick. Real, proud. And I also like to say, this is probably the dumbest episode, we've done all season.
Controller: Pull back on the caneloni, and ease up on your veal parmesean.
Garfield: Flying is easy when they tell you in a way that make sense.
- The funny part was the controller being seen right after it's commented how lucky they were he described the instruments in a way Garfield could understand. (namely, telling which Italian meal each instrument resembled)
- Also, at one point, they almost crash and a terrified Garfield turns to the camera and says, "Kids, check your TV listings! Make sure this isn't the last episode!"
- Which is particularly ironic, considering that this was actually the first episode of its respective season.
- "Some Indian's naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame!"
- "You! You're not Sylvia! You're one of the Kung Fu Creatures on the Rampage! 3!"
- The opening where Garfield addresses the camera to object to there being mistakes on his show.
Garfield: Around here, we don't make mistakes.
Odie: (runs up) Ta-da!
Garfield: (aware of Odie's arrival) Except occasionally in casting. - The criminal becoming naked and before that was seen walking on water.
- Garfield moving his mouth while saying "In all the years I've lived with Jon, I've never heard anything so foolish!" (referring to the haunted woods Jon mentioned at the beginning)
- The scene where Jon blindly runs into a tree while covered in a white cloth. As he stumbles, the cloth is removed, revealing Jon to have a beard and a mustache while he says, "No, ladies, I'm not Tom Selleck, but I can understand how you can make that mistake."
- Odie actually talking:
Garfield: [meaning Jon] Can you believe Pete's trying to scare us like that?
Odie: I don't know, I'm kinda scared. - The Buddy Bears coming out of a cave, dancing and singing their theme song after Garfield claims there are no living things for miles around.
- An owl going, "Who... who...", then "Where.... where... when... when...".
- Garfield turning blue and having Lanolin's voice for a few seconds.
- Jon saying "Don't worry Kermit, we have pretty boring lives anyway." Even better, Garfield is the one driving them home when he says it.
- "Garfield's been a very bad dog lately. I'm going to teach him a lesson she'll never forget."
- "This will scare the pants off those three, or my name isn't June Arburkle."
- The three "mistakes" Garfield pointed out at the end that the viewers weren't aware about, as well as "Come on, boy, it's 10AM, time for a midnight snack!" with Odie replaced with Marmaduke.
Jon: Garfield, what in the world do you think you're doing?!?
Garfield: Why, being your bungee buddy, you silly neener-head! Neener, neener!
Fake Jon: Gabriel, what did I tell you would I would do the next time I caught you kicking Ollie off the table?
Gabriel: Make me watch all my favorite TV shows until I can't stand it any longer?"
- Also, the "Gabriel and Friends" part.
Garfield: Boy, they have machines now that do everything but dance the Can-Can! (he and Odie see a machine doing the Can-Can) Boy, they have machines now that do everything!
- And later, after Jon sees how much it would cost to buy a comedy robot:
Hotel Owner: Quiet, cat, or we'll stick you in a worse room!
Garfield: There's a worse room than this?! How? Is it on fire?
- Later Garfield is eating a disgusting gray glop for dinner with another cat.
Garfield: Hey careful, some of that is getting into your mouth. I'm going to complain, what's the worst they can do to me?
Hotel Owner: Eat your dinner, cat!
- Garfield using a pie chart, made with actual pie, to represent Odie. Two tiny pieces of the pie represent Odie's brain and common sense, respectively, and the rest of the whole pie represents Odie's tongue.
- This question below:
Garfield: Before we move on with the lecture, are there any questions?
Man in audience: Yeah, is wrestling fixed?
Garfield: I should've asked, "Are there any intelligent questions?"
- Garfield talking about Odie chasing cars, particularly the exchange below:
Man in audience: What does Odie do with a car when he catches one?
Garfield: He buries it in the backyard.
(audience laughs at him)
Garfield: What're you laughing at? Don't you believe me?
Woman in audience: Nah, we don't believe you!
Garfield: I can't believe my ears!
Audience: (in unison) We can't believe your face!
Garfield: Hey! I did not come here to be insulted!
Man in audience: Oh, where do you usually go?
Garfield: "Well, Odie, I saved the world again. But do you think I'll ever get credit for it?"
- "Oh not another tap-dancing, knitting octopus act!"
- Jon ends up winning the silly pet talent show because Garfield refused to perform and Jon tried to coach him through it by actually doing the act himself (hula dancing).
Jon: Well, guys, how would you like to experience something reaaaalllll scary?
Garfield: Mmm... Jon's gonna sing.
Jon: Something soooooo spooky, you'll never get over it?
Garfield: He's gonna sing and dance.
(Odie covers his ears and whimpers)
Garfield: Real estate people uses special language. I'll translate for you
Escrow: Quinn's starter home price move...
Garfield: It's a dump and it is falling into quicksand.
Escrow: Magnificent view...
Garfield: It's about to fall off the edge of a cliff
Escrow: Needs TLC...
Garfield: Needs Toilets , Lights and Ceiling
Escrow: Indoor Pool
Garfield: 5 feet of water in the basement
Escrow: Charming fix-her-up requires some restoration
Garfield: Mostly on fire.
- Garfield quickly succumbing to starvation and cabin fever while snowed in at the cabin, despite only being in there for about an afternoon.
- Jon rushing out of the grocery store when the clerk tells him about an upcoming blizzard, only to rush back in when he remembers he forgot to pay for the groceries.
Jon: Heh, you'd probably like me to pay for these, huh?
Grocer: Might be nice.
- Jon finally making it back to the cabin with the food, only for Garfield to find out Jon is making his inedible specialty, southern fried pigs liver with chocolate sauce, for dinner and resorts to eating the pictures from a cookbook as he did earlier in the episode.
Garfield: THAT hungry I'm not.
Garfield: Now in all of comedy, what is the most important thi—
Guy in Audience: Timing!
Garfield: Ahem. I said, in all of comedy—
Guy in Audience: Timing!
Garfield: Ahem again. I said, in all of comedy, what is the most important thing?
Guy in Audience: ....Timing?
Garfield: Correct!
- Not to mention that for that first part, Garfield set up a bunch of instruments to play just in case Jon refused to wake up.
Because we don't want him!
- Garfield's nightmare at the end when he dreams of being stuck with a buttload of Nermals who he can't get rid of no matter what offer he makes to the people watching at home.
- Right off the bat, the "Content Warning" Couch Gag at the beginning of the episode:
Garfield: Today's episode features Binky the Clown, so turn up the volume kids.
- During the court case at the beginning of the episode, Garfield does what he does best: eat food!
Police Officer: All rise!
[Everybody but Garfield rises, who eats some popcorn, then rises.]
Dog: Read my lips!
Garfield: (Jon's version) I haven't had anything to eat in ten minutes! I demand food now!
Garfield: (Garfield's version) Oh, I haven't had anything to eat in a day or two but hey, it's all right.
Jon: (Jon's version) Here it is. Soft, frozen yogurt. Oh, I do so hope it pleases you.
Jon: (Garfield's version) Here it is. Soft, frozen yogurt. That's all you're getting.
Jon: (Jon's version) You know, if we made yogurt at home, I could save a lot of money and give it to the poor and needy.
Jon: (Garfield's version) You know, if we made yogurt at home, I could save a lot of money and spend it on selfish things.
Jon: I had to add just the right ingredients so the yogurt would be just right for Garfield.
Garfield: Jon didn't know how to make yogurt so he just threw anything he had lying around into the pot.
- There's one where Binky's victim is one of the show's animators. The last scene shows Garfield and Binky drawn all scribbly as a result. Garfield goes "I hope you're happy."
- The episode begins with Jon, Garfield and Odie attending a funeral for their old TV set.
- After the new TV Jon buys from Madman Murray gets busted, Jon tries to get it fixed, but Madman Murray refuses and points out that there is very small print on Jon's warranty card, which requires the use of an observatory's telescope in order to read.
Jon: "This warranty not valid Monday through Friday or on weekends, not valid in any month with a vowel in its name and not valid if TV owner was born after the year 1863." What kind of warranty is this?
Madman Murray: From my point of view, it's great!
- After finally getting the TV fixed by taking it to Japan (and Garfield coercing the factory employee to get it fixed by dressing as a ninja), it then turns out that the TV has everyone on it speaking in Japanese. Garfield, Jon and Odie then decide that they'll just eat teriyaki chicken in front of the set until they learn the language.
Jon: MY CHAIR-RER-RER!
Garfield: MMMMY CHAIR!
Judge: Bring in this Arbuckle, the one accused of not feeding his cat.
(Garfield walks over to the Judge)
Judge: Are you Arbuckle's cat?
Garfield: Yeah. (Nods)
- The over the top made-for-TV sci-fi film Garfield, Jon and Odie are watching at the beginning:
Woman In Movie: "Gah! The slime monsters from Planet X!"
Reginald (Man In Movie): "We've been tricked! They've come to conquer the Earth!"
Garfield (sardonically): "That's what you get for trusting slime." ::Burp::
- This exchange between Jon and Garfield:
Jon: "In the movies, extraterrestrials are always monsters or creepy things. This one is kind of cute!"
Garfield (after being smacked by the alien with a random piece of food): "And if he gets any cuter, I'm sending him to Abu Dhabi."
- Also, the ending, where Jon receives his monthly phone bill:
Jon: "I can't pay this!!! Why are my long distance calls being measured in light years?!?!?!?"
Garfield: "Hmmmm, your cute little extraterrestrial must have phoned home."
- "HEY ORSON! IS THIS YOUR PAPER UNDER THE SOFA?", due to the way Wade says the last word, and because he pointed his middle finger at the tag for a few seconds.
- Wade singing "Bedtime's every night at nine" on key, but then going off key during the musical sequence.
- Two of the signs in the musical sequence read "No John Wayne Impersonations" and "No Yogurt".
- Wade imagines himself in court with Orson as a judge:
Orson: I sentence you to 9999 years in prison!
Wade: Whew! At least I didn't get life.
- The cellmates' reaction to Wade ripping the tag off a pillow.
First criminal: I've robbed 50 banks and 60 gas stations.
Wade: Uh, I tore a tag off a pillow.
(the criminals run for the bars and scream for help)
- Orson, Wade, and Roy panicking and breaking down the wall of Roy's house and running away after hearing a police officer ordering them to come out with their hands up. Turns out it's only Booker imitating a police officer. Sheldon asks him if he thinks that was very nice and Booker replies, "Oh, c'mon. What harm can it do?" Then we cut away to Orson, Wade, and Roy still running like hell.
Orson: (reading Roy's letter) Dear everyone, I thought I had friends here. I guess I was wrong. Don't worry, you'll never see my banana nose here, again. Goodbye. Signed Roy parentheses, Banana Nose.
- Of course Wade then felt ashamed about it, once Orson pointed it out.
- Also, "Me be a pirate!", because it sounds like Engrish.
Roy: SAFE!
Wade: OUT!
Roy: SAFE!
Wade: OUT!
Roy: SAFE!
Wade: OUTOUTOUTOUTOUTOUT!
- And we see them again fighting about the same thing and through night fall.
- At the end of Orson's song about helping Sheldon to hatch:
Orson: (singing)...I wonder what you will look like? I wonder what you will be? We'll finally put a face with your name...maybe you'll look like me.
Sheldon: Are you trying to scare me?! (Orson frowns) - Back to Roy and Wade, still having the 'Out/safe' fight. Fortunately, they aren't stupid enough to overlook that the fox went past them with the kidnapped Sheldon, like the fox might've thought.
- When the gang are behind the bushes, near the fox, to rescue Sheldon:
Wade: (whispers) Out.
Roy: (whispers) Safe.
Wade: (whispers) Out.
Roy: (whispers) Safe. - When Sheldon is saved.
Orson: (to Sheldon) ... but don't worry, you're safe.
Wade: OUT!
Roy: SAFE!
Wade: OUT!
Roy: SAFE!
Wade: OUT!
Roy: SAFE!
Wade: OUT! - In the morning, when Sheldon is hatching:
Wade: He's almost out!
Roy: SAFE!
Wade: OUT!
Roy: SAFE!
Wade: OUT!
Roy: SAFE!
Wade: OUUUUT! - Also, when Orson first appears as Power Pig to his friends:
Orson: Come! We shall rescue Sheldon!
(beat)
(Wade, Roy, and Booker fall to the floor laughing uncontrollably)
Orson: Correction: We shall rescue Sheldon... after certain people stop laughing!
- The group later finds the fox about to cook Sheldon. Orson tries to come up with a plan, but Roy quickly figures out an easier way to save Sheldon.
Roy: (brings Orson to the fox) All right, tell him who you are.
Orson: I'm... Power Pig, defender of the defenseless.
(beat)
Fox: (laughs) Power Pig!
(The fox falls to ground, laughing hysterically, allowing the others to save Sheldon)
- The new game rule about making Arnold Schwarzenegger out of coleslaw. Like the "Wanted: Wade" example, the way he says the celebrity's name is funny, and it's not often you hear celebrity jokes in Garfield and Friends.
- All of the new rules Roy comes up with and Wade somehow managing to find a live Hippo.
Wade: (banging the door) WE'RE TRAPPED! WE'RE TRAPPED! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! WE'LL PERISH IN HERE! OH, NO!
Roy: (walking over to Wade) Wade, it's too soon for that kind of theatrics.
Wade: I was just getting an early start.
- Earlier, Orson tries to stop his brothers from stealing the crops. The moment they see him (as Power Pig) they fall out laughing.
Roy: (seeing Wade walking near him with a present) Present for me, Wade?
Wade: (walks past him) Oh, no, no. No. This is for my good and truly friend, Orson.
Roy: (jealous) Oh...The pig gets a present and I don't? (walks away) Well, see if I care. (marching back in Wade's direction) Of course I care.
Fred Duck: Hi, Cousin! Fred Duck! Awful glad to meet you! Nice place you got here! How's tricks?!
Wade: Who are you?...
- Orson stuck in an unstoppable tractor.
Orson: I HAD to refill the gas tank!
(The others running after the tractor, trying to rescue Orson)
Bo: We're coming to save you, Orson!
Roy: Yeah! As if we really know what to do!
Roy: Hey, Wade, do you know what's red and green and covered with fur and has eight legs?
Wade: Uh, no what?
Roy: I don't know either, but there's one on your shoulder.
Wade: AHHH! Oh, get it off! Get it off!
- When Roy gets fired:
Sheldon: We could do worse.
Wade: How?
Booker: Like that friend of yours, Wade. That duck that came by last year.
Wade: Oh, Fred Duck. Yeah, he was annoying.
- When Roy got his job back:
Roy: (trying to sound sincere) Sheldon, I'm sorry I said you were so dull, you could put coffee to sleep. (trying not to laugh) And Booker, I'm sorry I said you were so short, Show White could give you hand-me-downs. (again, trying not to laugh) And Wade, I'm sorry I said (giggles)...I said you were so cowardly you (laughs)...you ought to borrow a spine! (laughing) And-and Lanolin, I- (can't go on and leaves, laughing. Lanolin and the chicks are not amused)
Wade: (wearily) Nice to have Roy back, isn't it?... (The others glare at Wade, while he smiles sheepishly.)
Roy: This just in: The law of grabbity has been repealed.
Wade: WHAT?!
Roy: You heard me. Today, a bunch of very important people, who can do anything they want to, repealed the law of grabbity. They also repealed the law of the jungle, the law of diminishing returns, the law of supply and demand and several rules of thumb.
Wade: OH NO, OH NO! HELP! THERE'S NO MORE GRABBITY! WE'RE ALL GOING TO FLOAT AWAY!
Roy: (to Wade) Ah, web footed one, I am Swami Bugwanna, mystic seer of the future. Would you like to hear your fortune?
Wade: Yes, oh please, Swami, sir.
Roy: Then let me read a fortune cookie. (takes one from Wade's picnic basket, eats the cookie and reads the fortune) You will be caught in a rainstorm and then pummeled and harmed, by a wild ape who wants to tap dance in potato salad.
Wade: That is the most ridiculous fortune I've ever heard, Swami. (Wade conveniently has his head turned as Roy puts a hose up a tree near Wade and turns the hose on) It's a beautiful sunny day. (water from the hose pours down on him) It's, it's raining!
Roy: (in an ape suit) Can I dance in your potato salad?
Wade: (gives the basket to Roy) Take it! I'm too young to be pummeled and harmed! (runs off)
- "You will lose all your feathers during a total eclipse on Arbor day while listening to The Marine Corps Band playing "Home on the Range" and watching a badminton match between two guys named Ichabod."
- IT'S THE MARINE CORPS ON A RADIO!
Orson: (heroic voice) Don't worry, Lanolin! I'll save you! (runs to the shed, came back out as "Power Pig") Power Pig to the rescue!
Lanolin: Oh, now I'm really in trouble. (both crash into each other)
- When Orson has a What the Hell, Hero? moment when he asks why everyone's fighting. Instead of letting them answer, he goes and insult them through song...including Sheldon, who wasn't even involved in the fight. It's their response at the end which makes it funny:
Orson: (singing)...Booker's not a half-pint. He's at least a pint, my friend. Roy's more than a feather duster but not as smart as a pig. Lanolin's not obnoxious. It's just that her mouth is so big. Bo, you're better than a cotton swab, even if you are a nerd. Wade's not a coward except for the fact that he's afraid of a cottage cheese curd. Sheldon's not a rotten egg. Maybe just soft-boiled. Let's take back everything we said and not let our friendship be spoiled.
Lanolin, Bo, Booker, Roy, Wade: (angry) AND WE DON'T MEAN TO CALL YOU FAT!! - The ending: Wade pulls a prank on Roy by giving him the really hot chewing gum (that was originally Roy's). What was ironic was that Roy was ready to point out that it wasn't fair that everyone got that they want but Wade. Then fire and smoke came out of his mouth and he ran off screaming.
Wade: Yep. Everybody got what they wanted... or what they deserved.
- Also, Lanolin's accent is funny. However, after she says "Follow me, Double Oh Orson!" she snaps out of it for some reason and talks in her normal voice.
- Double Oh Bo appearing to be frozen in a block of ice.
- All the "license to kill" puns, like Double Oh Orson pouring a soda and overflowing his cup (license to spill), and the scene of Bo being frozen in ice, a "license to chill".
Roy: (in the audience) Oh, Don't. My earthquake insurance isn't paid up.
Orson: I am not fat! I have a body of a superb athlete!
Roy: Well, give it back. You're getting it all stretched out of shape.
Orson: (trying to whisper to Roy) Roy, aren't you supposed to be selling tickets at the door?
Roy: What? And miss my chance to heckle you, Pignose? I'm on a roll.
Orson: (angry) Well, in that case, I won't dance. (The audience cheered for that, with Orson getting more angry turned 'big and growling monster like' which shut them up.)
- Booker's and Sheldon's act:
Booker: Hey, Sheldon, what do you get when you cross a lasagna-loving cat with a bunch of zany farm animals?
Sheldon: You get picked up for another season.[ note Note that A: this episode was in the second season and B: the show was originally going to be U.S. Acres exclusive, but the producers wouldn't pick it up until and unless they added Garfield to it.
- When Orson's brother threw lots of vegetables at him on stage:
Roy: (to Wade both behind the stage) How's it going?
Wade: Well, either he's bombing or he's doing a great impression of a salad bar.
Orson: Wait a minute. You're not a surgeon, Roy.
(Doctor) Roy: I operated on a man just yesterday.
Orson: For what?
Roy: For 900 dollars.
Orson: No, no. What did the man have?
Roy: 900 dollars.
Orson: No, I mean what did you remove?!
Roy: (playing with a ball and paddle) The 900 dollars.
Orson: No! What was his complaint?!
Orson and Roy: The 900 dollars.
Orson: OK Roy, you carve.
- This exchange:
Doctor Roy: Let's operate on the Duck. (to Wade) OK, we're taking out your tonsils.
Wade: I don't need my tonsils taken out! (runs away)
Roy: Hey, I've never lost a patient and I don't aim to start now! (runs after Wade, which leads to the Scooby-Dooby Doors.)
- This exchange, incredibly hilarious as well as a textbook demonstration of the involved characters' personalities:
Wade: Do you hear anything?
Roy: Why? Do you?
Wade: Nope.
Roy: Hold it. Do you realize what we all sound like?
Wade: What?
Roy: We sound like you.
Wade: Oh. That bad.
- When one of Orson's brothers, Wart, disguised as a ghost, had Roy and Wade cornered and asked 'Who will be the first to go?', this was these two wonderful, dear friends' reactions:
Wade: (pushing Roy ahead) You go first!
Roy: (pushing Wade ahead) No, you.
(This goes on for several more seconds)
Wade:...After you.
Roy:No.
Wade: You.
Roy: First.
Wade: Second!
Roy: Third!
- Also funny in the same scene was Wart looking at them oddly as if thinking 'Are those two even Friends?'
Roy: Wade! Giant lobsters from outer space are stalking us all with drawn butter!
Wade: Oh! I've been worried about that! Help! Oh, help! (runs off) Giant lobsters from outer space! Major crustacean alert! Help me!
Roy: (laughs) This is the fourteenth time I've done this to him today. I love it.
Wade: It's not my fault. Roy did it. Let him clean it up.
Roy: You opened the door, Wade.
Wade: You tricked me! It's your fault.
Roy: You were stupid enough to let me trick you. You should get the blame.
Wade: You are the tricker, I am the trickee!
Roy: Don't try to duck out of this, Haha!
Wade: Cheap shot, rooster!
- It was also very funny how in Orson's dream, Roy and Wade were a two-headed giant(Wade's inner tube head even had a Roy head next to him to interact with).
Wade: You tricked me!
Roy: You were stupid enough to let me trick you!
Wade: (arguing about the bird bath) You said we were going to play pool. Instead, we come back with a 'swimming' pool.
Roy: I want to go swimming.
Wade: I hate the water! - At the end, when Roy and Wade were cleaning up the grain, one looking at the other and cleaning up faster to not let the other look better.
Bo: Little Red Riding Egg, take...oh, I have absolutely no idea, man.
- Wade (as the "helpless" Grandma) didn't hesitate giving the fox (who Wade thought was Roy as the wolf) a couple injuries (stepping on his foot). Then Roy (bound and gagged from the fox) warning Wade, it's a fox.
Roy: You? Brave? You used to put on a parachute to stand on tiptoe.
Wade: You are just jealous of my courage.
Roy: Your courage? Ha! I laugh in your face. Ha! Haha! This is me laughing in your face.
Wade: You cannot laugh in the face of someone truly heroic as I am!
- Booker sets up a Box-and-Stick Trap to catch a worm. Roy and Sheldon think no one could possibly be stupid enough to fall for that, but then the bell goes off. Booker opens the trap and out comes Odie. Booker tells him he's in the wrong cartoon, so a dejected Odie leaves.
Orson: [entering] Guys, someone's on the farm who shouldn't be here.
Roy: We saw him: a cameo guest star. - Wade is boasting of his brave heroism against the Weasel and keeps interrupting Bo before he can say anything. When Booker and Sheldon get him to go after the Weasel again, Bo is left alone in the barn.
Bo: Man, I wish I had a line in this episode.
Roy: (dressed as a cowboy, running torwards Wade) Quick, Wyatt Earp! The James Boys are robbing the stagecoach!
Wade: The haa...are robbing what??
Roy: The James Boys! I'll try to head them off at the pass. You go get the posse. (takes Wade's bag of peanuts) Let me have the bag of peanuts.
Wade: Right, I'll get the posse! You get the peanuts and I'll get the posse! (runs away) Help, help! The James Boys are robbing the stagecoach!... (marching back in realization) Wait a minute, I'm not Wyatt Earp.
Roy: (laughs) What an oxymoron.
Wade: (runs back towards Roy, takes the peanuts back) Hold on Rooster! You take me for the fool that I am! These are my personal peanuts.
Roy: (kneeling, begging) Please let me have just one peanut. Please, please pleaeese?
Wade: No one can eat just one peanut.
Wade: ...Here you go, Roy. Uno peanuto. (Roy eats one peanut then leaves) Gee, I didn't think he could do it.
- Roy couldn't have just one and quickly went back to Wade who shared it with the other farm animals.
Roy: (runs back to Wade, begging) Wade, you were right, I was wrong! Let me have another peanut, please! Pretty, please! Please, please please! (Wade gives him the peanut bag) It's empty!
Wade: I must've given Booker the last one. Sorry, Roy. - Later on, being deprived of peanuts and looking for them drove Roy to Sanity Slippage. And when he was looking for some peanuts in the haystack and gotten a long splinter stuck in his wing, he was yelling out certain words. We couldn't hear him but the fourth wall put a sign in front of him, saying censored which meant he was swearing.
Roy: Step right up. All the lemonade you can drink for a dime!
Wade: (giving him the dime) Here you are, good merchant, a dime.
Roy: (gives him a glass of lemonade) Here you go, Ducko.
Wade: (drinks the whole glass) More lemonade, please.
Roy: That will be another dime.
Wade: Your sign says 'All you can drink for a dime.'
Roy: Well, that's all you can drink for a dime. (laughs as Wade walks away mad.)
- It gets funnier when Orson's mean brothers gives Roy a dime and made him slave making all the lemonade they can drink.
- From that same episode: the scene where Roy alerts Orson that "The chickens is missing!!" Orson then calls Roy out on his bad grammar by lecturing him on proper English, and Roy angrily proclaims, "Oh great! The weasel has the chickens, and you're teaching grammar!" Wade arrives, and then they all start speaking in butchered English (including Orson).
- Wade's song about the merits of being fear-driven was also pretty funny, especially with all the added visual aids.
I bet that you think you could never get hurt
By a box of raisins or a flannel shirt!
- Also, Roy's failed attempts at one-upping Plato. Right down to picking trees instead of flowers.
Wade: (running to Roy) Roy, quick. look in the mirror and tell me what you see.
Roy: (confused) ....My face.
Wade: Thank Heavens. I thought it was mine. Yucko, icky, yeesh!
Roy: ....
- In "Barn of Fear II", towards the end of a song, Roy and Wade are in the same bed under the covers, then they jump and escape through a black circle hole.
Booker: Is that the real Lanolin or the imaginary Lanolin?
Sheldon: She's not yelling. Must be the uh, the imaginary Lanolin.
- "FIRE HE WHO BUILT UP THOSE STAIRS! THEY BE DEFECTIVE, I SAY!"
- When the T. rex shows up, Wade starts stammering in horror before he runs off and comes back with a camera to take a picture of the T. rex. Roy stares at the picture and then looks up to see said T. rex, then he starts to get scared as he looks back at the photo and then back at the T. rex. Cue Roy doing an Eye Pop, a Jaw Drop, and stammering and gibbering in horror, which actually weirds out the T. rex. Wade's response is gold:
Wade: Yes, that's about what I said.
Roy: (as he and Wade get into racing positions) On your mark, get set, go! (fires a pistol and he and Wade take off)
Roy: Doing a double-take without a permit! That's a 593.
Wade: (running off) HELP! Rooster with a badge! Help!
Roy: (appearing out of the waller) Hey, there's a 9-mile-per-hour speed limit passing a hog waller. (Wade hides in the scarecrow. Roy's also in the scarecrow.) Exceeding legal maximum occupancy of a scarecrow. That's a 240. (Wade excapes out of the scarecrow and hides in a pumpkin. Roy comes out of the water) Impersonating a hubbard squash. That's a 666!
Wade: (head pops out of the pumpkin)'' I give up! Take me in! Lock me up and throw away the key!
- Orson trying to talk some sense into Deputy Roy:
Bo: (in jail) Orson will do it! Orson will get us out of here, man.
Lanolin: (also in jail) You really think so Bo?
(Orson is thrown in jail behind them, in a striped jail suit)
Bo: (blunt) No. - Once everybody learned the rules in "Farm Laws" book was outdated since 1889, making the laws invalid:
- The scene where Wade hides in a water-pipe. The way he looks is funny, and also, he mispronounces the word "wolf".
Roy: Hi, you must be one of the new workers. What is your name?
What: That's right.
Roy: What is right?
What: Yep. What is my name.
Roy: That's what I asked. What is your name?
What: That's right.
Roy: Tell me your name.
What: What.
Roy: Tell me your name.
What: What.
Roy: Aah! What is your name?!
What: Now you got it.
- Then later, with Orson:
Roy: Orson, tell me the name of the new worker in the tool shed.
Orson: What.
Roy: Tell me the name of the new worker in the tool shed.
Orson: What.
Roy: (annoyed) Who is the guy in the tool shed?
Orson: No, Who is fixing the roof.
Roy: (looks at Orson's list) I don't care about the roof. Where is the name of the guy in the shed?
Orson: (takes back his list) No, Where is the name of the guy plowing the field.
Roy: Who's plowing the field?
Orson: No, Who's fixing the roof.
(Roy is losing his mind when Wade suddenly appears)
Wade: Orson, what is the name of the guy fixing the roof?
Orson: No, What is the name of the guy cleaning the tool shed.
Wade: Who's cleaning the tool shed?!
Orson: No, Who's fixing the roof.
Roy: Who is the guy plowing the field?
Orson: No, Who is fixing the roof. Where is the guy plowing the field.
Roy: How should I know? What is his name?
Orson: No, What is the name of the brother cleaning the shed.
Wade: Whose brother?
Orson: Of course!
Roy: Orson, who is fixing the roof? What is the name of the guy cleaning the shed? And where is the other brother?
Orson: You finally got it.
- Then when Orson's brothers run into them:
Who: We can't let you steal those apples.
Mort: Oh, a wise guy, huh? I wanna know your name.
Who: Who.
Mort: Your name, pal.
Who: Who.
Mort: WHAT IS YOUR NAME?!
Who: (points to his brother) No, What is his name.
Mort: I want to know your name.
Who: Who.
- Continuing with Orson's brothers:
Gort: Tell me that guy's name.
What: Where.
Gort: The guy standing next to you.
What: Where.
Gort: WHAT IS HIS NAME?!?!?
What: No, What is my name.
(Gort does a Jaw Drop)
- Still with Orson's brothers:
Wart: What is your name?
Where: No, What is my older brother.
Wart: Who is your older brother?
Where: No, Who is my younger brother.
- At the end, after Orson's brothers are gone and the mixup has been cleared:
Who: Say, you think you could find another job?
What: It's for our sister.
Roy: Tell me her name.
Brothers: Why.
Roy: Because I wanna know.
Brothers: Why.
Roy: Just tell me her name.
Brothers: Why.
Roy: Oh, forget it!
Brothers: Oh, he's our uncle!
- As usual for a Roy and Wade interacting episode, a lot of moments were funny, including:
Roy: How many times have I been proven untrustworthy?
Wade: I don't know, what show number is this?
- Roy becoming naked after getting scared by a jack in the box.
- When Roy tries to do the creamed corn prank, Aloysius approaches him, leading Roy to respond by calling him "pork belly". Aloysius is not pleased.
Aloysius: Making fun of my waistline? That's not right!
- Aloysius quarreling with a goat, telling it not to lick glue off a can.
- "It's Saturday morning. Do you know where your children are?"
- The part with Aloysius' mom at the end is funny if you actually low-pitch the audio by -12 percent. Why? She was voiced by Kevin Meaney himself! And it isn't the only time he would voice a girl.
- The impersonations of Aloysius at the end.
- The Running Gag in the episode:
Aloysius: I fired them!"
- Orson, Roy and Wade doing a Take That! at Aloysius by doing a play where he is stranded on an island with nothing.
- In the Spanish version, during the scene where Orson is fed up with Aloysius, Orson yells "Basta!" and Aloysius cries.
- Aloysius randomly showing up on a boat when Edmond is taken to prison and listing various costs before yelling "Location permit!".
Roy: Boy, this is the most violent episode we've ever done!
Orson: All these rhymes have death and people falling down and breaking their crowns!
- We also have this line by Aloysius Pig: "This is a cartoon show, NOT Masterpiece Theater!"
- Da-Dum... The Network!
- The Da-Dum sound coming on while Orson reads Aloysius Pig's card, since it sounded like he said a curse word.
- Roy and Aloysius' argument after the latter claims that Georgie Porgie has "anti-social behavior".
- Aloysius poking Orson with his hat.
- In the Spanish version of this episode: "La pequena Lou, se sento en su poo". This means "The Little Lou sat in his poo" in English. It's funny when you think about it!
- Aloysius being shown programming the fall schedule.
- Aloysius' chase scene at the end.
Roy: But before the duck-son could say the name, a hurricane came up!
Orson: A hurricane!?
Roy: Yes, a hurricane. And it blew the duck away, so he couldn't take his VCR back.
Wade: Uno momento! Then, a spaceship came by! And it rescued the handsome duck and flew him back to reclaim his VCR.
Roy: But the rooster was determined to get it back with the aid of his trained dinosaurs!
Orson: Trained dinosaurs? Where did the trained dinosaurs come from?
Roy: Same place all those ninjas came from.
Wade: But then the Third Marine Division landed with their Anti-Trained Dinosaur Squadron.
Roy: But the Mole People were too smart for the Marines!
- —>(Imaginary)Lanolin: (as the evil Queen) Mirror, act like Honest Abe, and tell me who's the most fabulous babe?!
- —>Snow Wade: HELP! UNFORTUNATE PLOT TWIST!
- The "No, I'm (adjective)!" running gag with the 77 Dwarves.
- Cloe: Yeah! That Wicked Queen is very dumb! (Queen Lanolin peeks out from behind the tree Orson, Booker, Sheldon, and Cloe pass.)
- Queen Lanolin (staring at the audience): If you want anything done in this world, you gotta do it yourself!
- "No, Departing's right over here. Oh, he left." This is funny because the dwarf sounded like he said "laughed" instead of "left".
- Made funnier in the Spanish version, where it sounds like he is saying "Soufflé" instead of "Su fue", or "He left".
- Old Hag Lanolin: "Poison apple, my dear?" Snow Wade: "Oh, I'll try anything that's free!" Snow Wade: (as he is about to die) "Uh oh, I'm doomed...." Doomed: "No, I'm Doomed." (Snow Wade dies)
- The beginning where Bo was just calmly walking by, then he sees Orson chasing Roy, with Roy yelling, "No! I will not kiss Wade!", and Bo's expression was like, Um..What??
- "I knew this was a girl's story!"
- Anytime Queen Lanolin said "NO!" to Snow Wade.
- As anticlimactic as it was, the fact that they resolve the story and defeat the Evil Queen just by saying "And they lived happily ever after".
- The part where the weasel threatens to eat the audience.
- The reveal that Roy is reading cue cards held by Booker during his date.
- When Roy cries when he receives only one piece of fanmail and we see Bo driving a whole truck of fanmail meant for Wade Duck.
- When Paul Revere's Duck gets creeped out by a roach.
- When Wade gets scared of "imitating reality" at the end of the episode.
- The ending, when they leave the weasel stranded in the water, and they tell him it was all a fantasy, leaving him cold.
- The chase scene near the end:
Roy: Just look at the good side of it, duck, your face will be lemon-fresh!
- Roy's reaction to being punished.
- Lanolin: "I'm sitting on an orange crate in the middle of the barnyard junk heap with four jerks."
- Wade's "Wild Blue Yonder song", because he sang off sync with the music and forgot the lyrics at the end.
- Lanolin attacking the weasel as a cowgirl.
Roy: I'd like an alligator-cheese sandwich made with cheese from an alligator named Cynthia, I want it with lettuce grown in Northern Bolivia and picked on Memorial Day, I want it served on rye bread with exactly 71 caraway seeds per slice, and I want a pickle in the shape of Muncie, Indiana. note Paws Inc.'s headquarters
Orson: Very good. One #8!
- Another moment comes at the end when Wade and Orson decide they can't bring themselves to off an escaped circus elephant in order to fill Roy's order for an elephant foot sandwich with mustard, but since they have the elephant anyway...
Orson: Well, Roy, you win. We can't fill your order for an elephant foot sandwich with mustard, so you get meals for a month.
Roy: Hah! I knew it! Didn't have any elephant back there, huh?
Orson: Oh, we have plenty of elephant.
(Roy wigs out as Orson brings the elephant out from the back)
Orson: We're just out of mustard.
(Roy passes out)
Roy: What? You mean I'll get hit with a banana cream pie if I mention, oh say, prime rib? (a pie hits him) That's a lot of baloney! (another pie hits him) Who do I complain to? I have a real beef! (a third pie hits him)
Roy: I have too much at stake! (a fourth pie hits him) I said stake. S-T-A-K-E. Not steak, S-T-E-A-K. (a fifth pie hits him)
Roy: I don't care if people think I'm a ham. (a sixth pie hits him)
(After Roy has quit the show)
Wade: Roy's quit for good? Oh, now we are in a stew! (Hit with a pie)
Orson: Wade, that's what you get for being so frank. (Hit with a pie)
Source: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/GarfieldAndFriends
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